"[While doing a guided breathing meditation in a qigong class] One moment I'm feeling so peaceful, and the next moment...it's hard to find words to describe...this physical being exploded into trillions of pieces of love and light. Suddenly I experienced myself the size of the entire cosmos. The feeling was so blissful and so beautiful. Really, to this day I have never found words that properly describe it, but all I knew was that I was home. That's all I knew. That this is our natural state. In that moment you can say that I remembered that this is our natural state, and that this physical body that walks around and has to meet deadlines and pays the bills--that's all pretend.
Suddenly in that moment, it became crystal clear. It was like this utter contentment, like every question I had ever had was answered. And there was no question, there was just intense and complete love and bliss and joy. And I don't know how long that lasted...but eventually the teacher's voice, I could hear her voice from afar guiding a different part of the meditation, and suddenly I remembered 'oh yeah, there's that body, maybe I should go back.'
The experience of trying to squeeze trillions and trillions of love and light back into the physical body was so ridiculous that it was almost painful. It was kind of like this painful densification to get back to my body, and avalanches of tears started coming out and coming out and coming out. And there were two things--this intense gratitude that I went home, and remembered who I actually was, and intense sorrow, intense grief, that I had been living a lie. That this whole world is backwards and upside down. The good thing is that after that I went into a very dark intense night of the soul. And it turned me into a seeker.
-- Dr. Edith Ubuntu Chan
in conversation with Charles Eisenstein on his podcast, A New and Ancient Story, August 29, 2020, available at charleseisenstein.org/podcasts/new-and-ancient-story-podcast/dr-edith-ubuntu-chan-a-trillion-points-of-light-e50/
Suddenly in that moment, it became crystal clear. It was like this utter contentment, like every question I had ever had was answered. And there was no question, there was just intense and complete love and bliss and joy. And I don't know how long that lasted...but eventually the teacher's voice, I could hear her voice from afar guiding a different part of the meditation, and suddenly I remembered 'oh yeah, there's that body, maybe I should go back.'
The experience of trying to squeeze trillions and trillions of love and light back into the physical body was so ridiculous that it was almost painful. It was kind of like this painful densification to get back to my body, and avalanches of tears started coming out and coming out and coming out. And there were two things--this intense gratitude that I went home, and remembered who I actually was, and intense sorrow, intense grief, that I had been living a lie. That this whole world is backwards and upside down. The good thing is that after that I went into a very dark intense night of the soul. And it turned me into a seeker.
-- Dr. Edith Ubuntu Chan
in conversation with Charles Eisenstein on his podcast, A New and Ancient Story, August 29, 2020, available at charleseisenstein.org/podcasts/new-and-ancient-story-podcast/dr-edith-ubuntu-chan-a-trillion-points-of-light-e50/
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